


This Easy

by surlybobbies



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Asexual Castiel (Supernatural), Asexual Character, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Minor Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:22:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26893630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/surlybobbies/pseuds/surlybobbies
Summary: Cas isn’t terribly invested in dating, but when Dean Winchester shows interest, Cas has difficulty turning him down. In the end, Cas agrees to a date only because he knows there won’t be a second one - after all, since when has anyone wanted to date someone who wasn't interested in sex?(A tale about navigating the world of dating as an ace individual.)
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 24
Kudos: 328
Collections: Asexual Supernatural Mini Bang 2020





	This Easy

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this envisioning Cas as demi like me, though he hasn't come to understand his asexuality as being of the demi variety just yet. That being said, it can be read in any number of ways - though there is definitely no sexual content. 
> 
> This was written for the SPN Ace Bang! I had a wonderful artist named Blusxa, and their art is linked in the text of the fic. Thank you so much for your work, Blu! It turned out fantastic! <3

Cas was suspicious as soon as he saw Sam at his office door with a wide smile.

“What is it?” he asked, nervously uncapping and capping the pen in his hand. It was the end of the day, and he could feel his lower back protesting from being seated all day; he just wanted to go home and soak in a warm bath.

Sam raised his hands and showed Cas his palms, but his smile was still unnaturally wide. “Nothing much. Just wanted to extend an invitation.”

Cas’s stomach dropped. “Oh.”

“It’s nothing huge,” Sam added quickly. “Just a housewarming party.”

“Right, the move was a few weeks ago,” Cas remembered. “I’m happy for you.”

Finally Sam’s smile looked real. “Yeah, thanks, dude. Eileen loves it. Big yard and everything for the dog.”

“Sounds perfect,” Cas said, for lack of anything else to say, hoping his reticence would kill the conversation because he knew exactly where it was going.

“Yeah,” Sam said, “Uh, party’s this Friday. I’ll send you the address. We’d really like it if you stopped by.” 

Cas smiled the type of smile he reserved for clients: polite, detached, and noncommital. “I’ll try.”

Sam nodded. It seemed like it should have been the end of the conversation, but Sam was still standing there, shifting from foot to foot. 

Cas waited, back aching. He dreaded Sam’s next words. Seconds ticked past.

Finally Sam cleared his throat. “D- Uh, Dean wants to see you there. Just… y’know, just so you know.” 

The implications were obvious, and Cas was sure his cheeks turned bright pink, but luckily Sam was too busy staring awkwardly at the side wall to notice. “I see,” Cas said, just to fill the silence.

“Yeah. Anyway, just think about it, alright?” Sam lifted a hand in an awkward goodbye before walking out into the hallway.

As soon as Sam was out of sight, Cas covered his eyes with his palm. Panic made him suddenly restless, but he willed himself to sit still.

It wasn’t that he wasn’t flattered by Dean’s attention - on the contrary, underneath the layers of panic, Cas could recognize the beginnings of something a little like giddiness, albeit complicated by Cas’s relationship with dating and sex. He wasn’t normally interested in either, which usually suited him just fine; it was when he _did_ find himself interested in dating that complications arose, because then he’d have to explain to people that he wasn’t interested in sex, and that often led to rejection.

And if Cas were being honest with himself, the thought of being rejected by Dean - beautiful, charismatic, kind Dean - that was a little tough to swallow.

Cas spent the whole week throwing himself into his work, trying not to think about Dean and Sam’s invitation, but when Friday rolled around and Sam poked his head in to remind him about the barbeque, Cas couldn’t ignore it any longer.

“I’ll be there,” he said, because what else could he say when Sam was grinning at him like that? At the very least Cas could go to the barbeque and show Dean exactly the kind of boring life he led, and Dean would lose interest and Cas wouldn’t have to worry about his own feelings because he knew they wouldn’t be returned anyhow. “Do you want me to bring anything?”

Sam was obviously delighted at Cas’s response. “No, no, just bring yourself - Dean’s the cook, and he makes sure he feeds everyone more than they can eat, so don’t worry about it.”

Despite himself, Cas envisioned Dean at the barbeque - apron and all - and his stomach flipped. “Is he a good cook?” he found himself asking. His voice sounded like it was coming from a million miles away.

If possible, Sam’s grin grew even bigger. “He’s the best.”

Cas gave him a tentative smile of his own. “I’m looking forward to it.”

“Great!” Sam said, a little too loudly, a little too quickly. “Great! I’ll see you soon?”

“I’ll stop at home to change, then I’ll be by.”

“Fantastic,” Sam said - something he only ever said to clients, which made Cas feel like some sort of transaction was taking place. Sam was pulling his phone out of his pocket before he even finished turning away, and Cas just _knew_ who exactly Sam was messaging, and it made his stomach flip again.

About two hours later, Cas was dropped by his rideshare outside Sam’s new home. It was quaint, could do with some remodeling, and needed some touch-ups on the paint here and there - but it was quiet and peaceful, and exactly what Sam needed after a touch childhood. 

Cas recognized a few of his coworkers’ cars parked nearby, but the car that drew his attention the most was the black Chevy Impala that so often swung by the office to pick up Sam. It really was a beautiful car, and it shined like it was brand-new: a testament to Dean’s love for it. For just a second, Cas allowed himself to imagine sitting in the passenger seat, sitting in the car Dean loved, watching Dean drive with the windows rolled down. 

Then Cas pushed the thought away - _useless -_ and walked toward the back of the house through a side path lined with stepping stones.

The yard was clean and well-kept, separated from the neighbors’ yards by a tall wooden fence. Along the fence various herbs had been planted, and Cas could smell rosemary amidst the smell of smoke from the grill.

Sam was the first to see him from amid a circle of about 8 people. He excused himself and rushed over, pumping Cas’s hand once before putting a hand on his shoulder and guiding him toward the food. “Glad you could make it, man. Grab some food and then join us, alright?” 

Conveniently the food was only a few feet to the right from Dean, who was standing at his station by the grill and watching them approach with a spatula poised in the air like he’d forgotten he was holding it. Sam clapped Cas on the back once more before retreating; Cas could have sworn he tiptoed away.

Cas grabbed a paper plate and chanced a look at Dean. Dean raised a hand. “Hey, Cas.”

“It’s nice to see you again, Dean,” Cas replied, because it really was nice to see him. He was wearing an apron just like Cas had imagined; it was dark gray with pockets in the front to accommodate tongs and other grilling tools. Underneath the apron Cas was wearing a black T-shirt and jeans, and Cas was only a little afraid to admit that he really, really liked it.

Dean flipped one of the patties on the grill that Cas was pretty sure didn’t need to be flipped. “Thanks for coming,” Dean said, “Sammy’s a sucker for entertaining; you’ve probably made his month.”

Cas was taking his time constructing his burger. He didn’t ask himself why. “He said something similar about you, actually. Said you like to feed people more than they can eat.”

Dean grinned at the grill. “Can’t say that’s not true.” He looked at Cas’s plate and raised his eyebrows. “I better see you coming for seconds.”

 _I’d eat until I burst if it meant standing next to you,_ Cas thought. But he didn’t want to say that, mostly because he didn’t even know where it came from. Instead he said,“You gotta make it worth it,” which was possibly even worse. As soon as it was out of his mouth, Cas wanted to sink into the earth, not least because of the slow, contemplative way Dean looked at him.

“I think I can manage that,” Dean said, his voice pitched a little lower. His smile was amused, but not unkind or predatory in the least, and that made Cas breathe a little easier.

Cas smiled, capped the ketchup, and turned to join Sam and his coworkers, conscious of Dean’s eyes on him as he left, and - oddly enough - relishing it.

Dean came to him about a half hour later with two beers in his hand. Sam edged away so that Dean could get between him and Cas. Cas was not ignorant of the elbow nudge that Sam gave to Dean. 

Dean offered him a beer. “You drive here?”

“Took a Lyft,” Cas said, taking the bottle. He didn’t usually drink, but Dean smelled of smoke and cologne and Cas needed something to kill his nerves. 

Dean turned his full attention on Cas, an appraising look on his face. “I’ll give you a ride home if you like.” He was already handing off his bottle to Sam before he finished his sentence.

Cas told himself it was that small sacrifice of Dean’s that made him say, “Sure, if you don’t mind.”

Dean’s smile was pleased. “That’s a ginger ale for me then,” he said, clapping Cas on the shoulder before leaving to get one from the cooler. His hand lingered a second longer than it had reason to.

Cas could feel Sam watching him but he pretended to be heavily invested in the conversation his co-workers were having, though for the life of him he couldn’t remember the topic.

Dean’s car was even more amazing on the inside than Cas had imagined. When he slid into the passenger seat and said so, mostly out of awe, Dean visibly preened. “I knew you had good taste,” he said.

Dean had taken a quick shower at Sam’s place before they left and now he smelled like soap. It filled the interior of the car with the fragrance of mint, and Cas was dizzy with it. Dean’s hair was also still damp, having apparently rushed out of the bathroom before drying his hair so he could give Cas a ride. It lent him a soft look, something a little more genuine, and it made Cas want to reach out and touch.

Cas had a pleasant buzz in his fingertips and his cheeks, mostly thanks to the two beers he’d enjoyed but also probably because this was the first time he’d ever been alone with Dean. Cas knew there was no way this could end in the way he wanted it to, but he resolved that, at least for this half-hour ride to his apartment, he would pretend it could. There was very little occasion for indulgence of this kind in Cas’s life, and he would take it where he could, as long as he didn’t let himself get too wrapped up in it.

It turned out that Dean had a pleasant singing voice. It was late, and as they traveled on the freeway and Cas admired the lights and shadows playing across the angles of Dean’s face, Dean sang along softly to the radio, and when he caught Cas smiling at him he sang even louder.

They didn’t talk much, but Cas was comfortable. He liked this: sitting by Dean in a moment of peace and contentment. If he let himself, he could picture it for himself for a long while to come. 

Dean was shaking him awake by the time they arrived at Cas’s apartment building. “My singing put you to sleep or what?” Dean joked. The engine was idling, and the street light that always kept Cas up at night flickered. 

Cas smiled and rubbed his eyes. “Sorry. I was very comfortable.”

Dean’s smile was indulgent. “I’m glad,” he said.

An awkward silence fell. Cas put his hand on the door handle and opened his mouth to say thanks, but Dean put a hand on his arm to stop him.

“Listen, Cas.”

Cas stilled. He listened. He had a feeling that it wouldn’t just be the flickering street light outside his window keeping him up tonight.

“Can I take you out sometime? On a date, I mean.” Dean’s voice was steady, remarkably so, and Cas marveled at a man who could admit his feelings so easily.

“Yes.” The word was out of Cas’s mouth before he could think better of it, and he could hardly regret it when Dean’s face lit up.

“Great,” Dean said. He had to bite on his lip to keep himself from grinning any more widely, and that made Cas’s stomach flip. “Are you free tomorrow night?”

Cas nodded. He was smiling for some reason, though that couldn’t possibly be right, because this was obviously the worst idea ever.

“I’ll be here at 7? Is that okay?” Dean had put both his hands on his thighs, and his fingers were tapping restlessly against the thick denim of his jeans.

“That’s perfect,” Cas said softly, expecting to feel guilt for the lie but instead all he felt was soft contentment, almost like it wasn’t a lie at all. “I’ll see you then, Dean.”

Dean lifted a hand in goodbye as Cas got out of the car, and he waited until Cas was in the building to leave. It was sweet and entirely too wholesome and entirely too much, and Cas knew immediately he was in trouble.

Cas couldn’t do it. He couldn’t go through with this date. He picked up his phone to tell Dean, but then he imagined the disappointment on Dean’s face and put it down. He picked it up again. He put it down. He sat down on his couch and put his face in his hands. 

How, he asked himself (and not for the first time), could he have let it get this far? He’d known there was no future between him and Dean, and yet he’d foolishly entertained the notion of a relationship. It had only taken a half-hour car ride for Cas to give in, and now Dean was likely getting ready for their date and Cas was staring at his palms trying to figure out how he was ever going to gather the nerve to disappoint Dean.

His phone pinged where he’d laid it on the coffee table. _Be there in 45,_ is all Dean said.

[Cas swore under his breath.](https://www.pixiv.net/en/artworks/84873510) He was angry at himself not just for saying yes but for the fact that by saying yes, the _no_ he knew he was going to have to say eventually would be doubly painful for both of them.

Cas picked up the phone and dawdled over the reply for a few long moments. _See you soon,_ he eventually messaged back, though his thumbs felt like they were made of cast-iron.

He pressed a hand over his eyes when Dean sent a smiley face back. Through Cas’s panic he tried to remind himself that this date wasn’t the end of the world, and it probably wasn’t even the end of their friendship. Maybe the date would go poorly and Dean would decide on his own that they wouldn’t work romantically. Sometimes dates just didn’t work, after all - that was the whole point of dates, wasn’t it? Dates weren’t always the first step to a long-term relationship. Sometimes they were blips in a lifetime of blips - some good and some bad, some memorable and some forgettable. To a man like Dean especially, a date might just be what he did on a regular Saturday night to kill his boredom. There was no reason to panic.

It was this thought that pulled Cas to his feet and brought him to the bathroom to shower. Cas didn’t really date, so it was easy for him to blow one date out of proportion, especially a date with a man like Dean who made Cas’s body respond in ways he’d never experienced. Usually thoughts about society’s cavalier attitude toward dating would have upset Cas, but in this case he was thankful, because it meant that when things between him and Dean eventually ended, Dean would understand.

So Cas showered. He put on a nice pair of jeans and comfortable shoes and a blue button-down shirt that he supposed would bring out his eyes. By the time he was ready, he felt almost… good. He’d decided halfway through his shower that he would enjoy this time with Dean, but also that he’d put an end to their potential relationship by the end of the night if Dean didn’t do it himself. 

Having a plan made him feel better, especially when he climbed into Dean’s Impala to find Dean wearing a leather jacket and an endearingly nervous smile. 

“Hey,” he said. “Roadhouse okay tonight?”

Cas knew that the Roadhouse was a bar and grill just off the freeway, but that was about it. “Haven’t been,” he said.

Dean looked like he was about to make a joke, but then thought better of it. “Too… loud?” he asked. His eyes skimmed over the neat button-down that Cas wore and Cas knew he was already coming to certain conclusions that Cas wasn’t sure he liked.

But such was his life, and it didn’t mean that the conclusions Dean was drawing were untrue. “I don’t get out very often,” Cas said diplomatically. “I’ve heard good things about it, though. I don’t mind trying new things.” If he said it a little defensively, Dean didn’t react.

Instead he grinned and started pulling out of the parking space. “Honestly I don’t get out very often either. The Roadhouse is the only place I know for sure that has burgers worthy of an - well, let’s just say they’re really good burgers.”

“As good as yours?” Cas asked, not to be flirty, but because he was genuinely curious.

“I dunno about that,” Dean said, “But they’re good enough.”

“I trust your judgment,” Cas conceded.

“Smart man.”

Dinner was… easy. Being with Dean was easy. Easy enough that Cas forgot that he was supposed to be making it difficult. Instead he found himself leaning forward to hear Dean’s stories, smiling when he smiled, and laughing when he laughed. Dean was magnetic, and he was in a good mood. He seemed to want to know about Cas and his life and his family, and he eagerly expounded when Cas asked questions right back.

“I didn’t think it’d be like this,” Cas let slip after a beer too many.

Dean’s foot shifted. Cas knew this because it made Dean’s leg knock against his. “Be like what?” Dean asked. He seemed soft, softer even than when he’d asked Cas out, though Cas assumed it was probably because they’d both been drinking. 

Cas knew he’d regret talking so much, but he also knew he’d be able to blame it on the alcohol in the morning, so he looked Dean in the eye and said, “So easy.”

Dean’s smile was pleased, a little bashful. He was suddenly very interested in the act of peeling off a corner of the label on his beer bottle. “You’re gonna charm me out of my socks, Cas.”

“I haven’t done that already?” Cas’s brain felt detached from his tongue. He had no idea where these words were coming from.

Dean looked at him. He looked dangerous despite the doe eyes he was flashing. It made Cas’s heart thump a little harder. “You’re gonna have to try a little harder to get my socks off, Cas.”

Cas’s brain snapped back into place. He tore his eyes away.

Dean straightened. “I - that was - I’m sorry -”

“No,” Cas said, more loudly than he intended, “I - “ He took a deep breath. “It’s fine.” He took a sip of water, and it helped the dryness of his throat. “It’s fine,” he reiterated, because it really was. It was a joke, and a good one, with maybe a little more innuendo than Cas was expecting, but the only reason Cas had flinched was because maybe, for once, he didn’t want it to be a joke.

Dean was looking at him warily.

Cas gave him a sheepish smile, embarrassed at the reaction that no other adult man would have had to such a weak innuendo. “I’m a little tired,” he offered.

“Fair enough,” Dean said. He gestured to a member of the waitstaff. 

While they settled the bill, silence fell. Cas couldn’t read Dean’s expression nor could he think of anything to say, so he didn’t bother with small talk. Eventually, Dean took a long drink of water then raised his eyebrows.

“Shall we?” he asked. 

The drive to Cas’s apartment was not tense, but it grew more uncomfortable the longer the silence went. They hadn’t spoken much on the way to the Roadhouse, but the silence had been warm then, anticipatory. This silence was colder, like being frozen out. Cas supposed he should be happy, or at the very least satisfied, with this turn of events. At the beginning of the night, he’d wanted Dean to see who he was, and now Dean had seen it. At the beginning of the night all he’d wanted was a way out, and now he had it.

So why did he feel so disappointed?

Eventually Dean pulled into Cas’s neighborhood and idled outside the building. Cas rarely found himself in this position, in the passenger seat of a date’s car, about to end the night, so he found he didn’t know what to say.

Dean, however, seemed to know exactly what to say: “Can I see you again?” He said this quietly, hopefully. He was looking straight at Cas, too, with his palms flat against his thighs.

It took Cas a few seconds to comprehend those five words through the initial shock, then another few to come up with an answer that felt right. _Yes_ was not right, but neither was _no_ , especially not when Dean was looking at Cas with soft eyes in the low light.

“I like you,” Dean continued, as if Cas needed another heart attack. “And I guess I just think this could go somewhere.”

This was more painful than Cas had ever imagined, but saying yes would make the pain even more acute in the future, because there was just no future for them. “I like you too,” Cas said, because Dean deserved that truth at least, “But I don’t think it will work.”

Dean’s expression was blank, carefully composed. Cas watched his fingers curl back into his palms. “Okay,” Dean said slowly, “I thought we had a good time.” He placed his hands on the steering wheel and stared at the center console. “But fair enough. I’m not going to ask why.”

Cas had never said it out loud before, but the light from the flickering street lamp drew his attention to the downturn of Dean’s mouth. So he said it. “I’m asexual.”

Dean didn’t react for a few seconds. He went still, almost eerily so, as he stared at the volume dial. 

A nervous lump rose in Cas’s throat belatedly. He’d known he was asexual for a number of years at this point, but he’d never felt the desire to share, nor had he ever felt such a desperate need to be forgiven for something he couldn’t help. “I do like you,” Cas explained. “But I’m asexual.”

Dean exhaled and cast an unreadable expression at Cas. “So you don’t want to sleep with me.”

“I don’t want to sleep with anyone,” Cas corrected, if a little quietly. “It’s not you.”

Dean ran a hand over his chin. Underneath his hand he let out a small rueful laugh. “In other words, ‘It’s not you, it’s me.’”

Despite himself, Cas was a little hurt. “It’s true, Dean. If things were different - “

“What if I told you I don’t care?”

The concept was so foreign to Cas he had to shake his head a little to make the pieces fall into place. “Sorry?”

Dean’s eyebrows were furrowed, but not in frustration - in determination. “What if I told you I don’t care?” he repeated, more strongly.

“You don’t care...about sex,” Cas said, watching Dean’s expression carefully. “Is that what you’re saying?”

Dean winced. “Well, no, but - “

Cas’s stomach dropped. He cut Dean off before he heard anything else. “In the end, we won’t work out. It won’t matter how long we drag it on.”

Dean was rubbing his jaw. “How do you know that for sure, Cas?” 

“You’re saying you’d give up sex for good?”

Dean’s answer was slow to come, but the stubborn set of his jaw and the furrow of his brow told Cas that Dean wasn’t going to let this go easily. Eventually, Dean said in a slow, measured tone: “I’m telling you that one day I might find that I value a person’s company over what they can give me in bed.”

The words soothed a little of the hurt, but that’s all Cas would allow himself to take from Dean. “I appreciate the sentiment, Dean. But I’m not going to ask you to find out.”

Dean closed his eyes. His brow furrowed more deeply. “That’s not your - “ he stopped and clamped his lips shut. He took a deep breath. He rubbed his palms down his pants leg so hard Cas wondered if it hurt. “Fair enough,” Dean finally said, hitching on a smile that looked painful to maintain. “Thanks for letting me know.”

Cas put his hand on the door handle. “Have a good night, Dean,” Cas said to his chest. It felt hollow and insensitive, and Dean’s name in his mouth felt too sharp. He opened the door and left Dean alone in the car.

Monday was both a relief and a sharp reminder of what he’d done - a relief because it ended a long 24 hours that he’d spent with his head in his hands, trying to figure out why any thought of his conversation with Dean made him feel nauseous and sad; and a reminder of what he’d done because Sam Winchester was simply not a subtle person. At work, he’d waved at Cas once from across the lounge, then slinked out and avoided Cas’s eyes for the rest of the day. It was not a reach to conclude that Dean had told him all about his failed attempt at matchmaking.

By the end of the day Cas had had enough of the tension - in a short while he’d be at home alone with his thoughts, and he didn’t need another thing weighing on his shoulders. He knocked on Sam’s open door as Sam was packing up.

Sam did a double take as he was sliding his laptop into his messenger bag. “Cas, hey.”

“Things didn’t work out with your brother.” Cas knew himself well enough to know that he had to say it without preamble; he couldn’t, however, bring himself to say Dean’s name.

Sam spread his palms on his desk and nodded solemnly at Cas’s shoes. “I heard.”

Cas continued to stand awkwardly at the door. “I - I appreciate what you were trying to do for me.”

“Of course,” Sam said genially, a little too loud in the quiet of a closing office.

They stared at each other for a few moments, unsure. 

Cas was about to announce his exit and orchestrate a quick escape from the building when Sam said, “Uh, well, he didn’t really mention _why -_ I mean, it’s not my business but he said the date went well? I guess I just want to know why my big brother’s been listening to Celine Dion unironically on Spotify.”

It should have been humorous, but instead it felt like a stone fell into the pit of Cas’s stomach. When he spoke, he couldn’t will his voice any louder than a murmur. “I like your brother, but I just couldn’t see it going any further than just a few dates. Without going into details, I think I did him a favor.”

Sam raised his eyebrows. “I’m not sure Dean agrees with that… but I’ll trust your judgment.” His smile was small, but it was there.

“I hope he and I can still be friends,” Cas said, after a small pause. It was a hope that Cas had only just recognized, but one he sincerely wished for, now that it had made itself known.

“I’m sure he’d be happy to hear that,” Sam said. He slung his messenger bag over his head and adjusted the strap. “Even before the party he’d always mention how interesting your last conversation with him was.”

Another stone dropped in Cas’s gut. “Is that so?” he said, a little faintly. “That’s very kind of him.”

“Just text him or something,” Sam said. He did a cursory glance over his desk and then patted his pocket for his phone. “I’m sure he’d be glad to hear from you.” He walked out from behind his desk and patted Cas on the shoulder as he walked past. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Cas murmured in the affirmative. He stood there at Sam’s door long after Sam had left.

Later that night Cas texted Dean after two glasses of wine. 

_I had a great time on Saturday. I hope we can still be friends._

It took a while, but Cas’s phone vibrated just as he was falling asleep on the couch in the dim light of the Netflix menu screen.

_don’t know where you got the idea i don’t wanna be friends_

_dw, were good_

Cas spent a few minutes squinting at his phone, trying to put a name to the feeling swelling like a balloon in his chest. The words in the text message, while objectively good, didn’t bring Cas any happiness. They didn’t bring him any relief either, which was the very least that Cas had hoped for. Instead, Cas identified the nauseous feeling in his gut as regret. The knowledge that Cas could do nothing to diminish that regret - at least not without asking Dean to trust him after rejection - made Cas’s stomach sink even lower.

Cas put his thumbs to the screen. He typed out a message and contemplated it for half a minute before tapping send: _How was your day?_

He knew it wouldn’t wipe away the image in his head of Dean in his car, jaw clenched and brow furrowed, but it might soothe some of the guilt he still harbored. It was selfish, he knew, but when he imagined the way Dean’s fingers would curl around his phone, the way Dean’s lips might twitch upward, he couldn’t bring himself to care.

He fell asleep with his phone on his chest.

Cas was in his office responding to emails on Friday morning when someone knocked on his door frame. He looked up and felt his stomach flip. 

Dean was leaning on the door frame. He was the only one in the whole office dressed casually - flannel and jeans - but he looked comfortable. Cas was filled with warmth just looking at him. 

“Hi, Dean.”

Dean raised a hand in greeting. “Hey. Just wanted to say hi. I’m picking Sam up for lunch.”

A look at his desktop monitor told Cas he’d spent his whole morning on his computer. “Is it nearly lunchtime already?”

“Yeah, dude. What’ve you been doing all morning? I sent you some top-tier jokes, and you didn’t even send me that laughing cat emoji you like.”

Cas pulled open the top right drawer of his desk and picked up his phone to show Dean a little guiltily. “I had to put my phone away so I wouldn’t spend my whole morning talking to you.” He only recognized the implications after looking up at Dean and seeing a flash of pleased surprise cross his face.

Luckily he didn’t mention it. “Well, text me when you have time then. But I expect a lot of emojis to make up for it.” He jerked a thumb toward the direction of Sam’s office. “Sasquatch is coming, so I’m headed out. I’ll see you around.”

Sam came into view, looking at his phone. “Hey, Cas,” he said, barely looking up from the screen. Cas had the distinct impression he was trying to give Dean some privacy. “Ready, Dean?”

Dean smiled at Cas before they left.

Cas didn’t finish responding to emails that day.

The next time Cas saw Dean was Tuesday, and the next time after that was Wednesday. By the time Friday rolled around and Cas found Dean leaning against his door frame again at noon, Cas had begun to expect him.

“We keep meeting like this,” Dean said with a smile, his arms crossed.

Cas leaned back in his chair - expensive, definitely worth it, and made him look way smoother than he felt - and twirled his pen between his fingers. He felt a restlessness working his way into his veins. “I work here. I don’t know what else you’d expect.” He was flirting - or at least trying - and he knew it, but he couldn’t help it when Dean was grinning at him like that.

They smiled at each other for a beat, two beats, three beats too long - then Cas had to tear his gaze away before he gave himself away. He put his fingers on his keyboard even though his monitor had gone to sleep. 

Dean looked at his shoes. They were rugged, scuffed, and meant for working outdoors. When he looked back up at Cas, he caught Cas staring and offered a sheepish smile. “I’m gonna go nag Sam for lunch,” he said. “I’ll see you later, alright?” He patted the door frame and left, presumably to pester his brother.

Cas sat immobile at his desk for a few seconds. Then, arrested by a sudden need to be alone, he got up, shut the door, and put his face in his hands. He stayed like that for many minutes, palms flat against his flushed skin. Outside his door, he heard his colleagues’ footsteps, the occasional murmur and laughs. Inside he could only hear the low drone of the vent above his desk and the soft whir of his computer. 

Then, from the opposite side of the room, muffled - a _ping_ from his phone, still hidden in his desk drawer.

It had to be Dean. No one else Cas knew would text him this early in the day. Cas’s stomach flipped at just the thought. He didn’t need to read the message to know that he’d spend the next few hours stifling a smile at the thought of Dean.

He steeled himself, walked to his desk, and read it anyway. It was a photo of Sam with a glare on his face, gaze directed slightly over the camera lens. He was hunched over forms on his desk with a pen in his hand. The caption read, _Will you please help me convince your local sasquatch to take a break and eat lunch?_

Cas put a hand over his eyes again and took a deep breath. The thought of seeing Dean again, the thought of being in his space again, the thought that Dean _wanted_ him in his space again, made Cas’s chest flutter. He didn’t think this feeling would ever go away. 

And judging by Dean’s behavior over the last few weeks, he wasn’t going to go away either - not unless Cas asked him to.

And Cas wasn’t going to ask him to. He and Dean had been dancing around the truth for a while, and the truth was that neither of them had given up on the possibility of a happy ending, though they had both agreed to walk away.

Cas looked at his door, still closed to his colleagues. Outside, to the left, somewhere down the hall in Sam’s office, was Dean, probably sitting on the corner of Sam’s desk. Waiting. Waiting for Cas to persuade Sam to take a break but maybe also waiting for Cas himself. Just Cas. Cas and all his complexities and cat emojis and conflicted feelings.

Another _ping_ from his phone. Cas checked his messages. _You coming or what?_

Cas was opening the door and leaving his office before he fully realized what he was doing, which said enough about his feelings and his decision. The carpeted floor of the hallway muffled his footsteps but didn’t muffle the frantic hummingbird beating of his heart. By the time he knocked on Sam’s open door, he was almost convinced the whole office could hear it.

Sam and Dean both looked toward the door when they heard Cas’s knock. Like Cas had expected, Dean was half-sitting on Sam’s desk. He had Sam’s stress ball in one hand like he’d been tossing it around. Sam was leaning his elbows on his desk with his fingers pressing his temples.

Dean was appeased. He tossed the stress ball once again and caught it, a satisfied half-grin on his face. “Hey, Cas. Thanks for coming.”

Sam sighed, long and heavy. “Cas, I’m sorry my idiot brother lured you out of your office to talk to me, but I can’t take a break right now. I’m on leave next week, and I have to finish up these files before the end of the day.”

“I’m not here to convince you,” Cas said, still feeling a little breathless. “I’m actually here to ask Dean if he’d settle for my company instead.”

The ball was in the air. Dean attempted a half-hearted swipe at it but he was too busy staring slack-jawed at Cas that he missed entirely. It fell to the floor, bounced twice, then rolled to Cas’s feet. Cas picked it up and squeezed it in his fist by his side.

Dean’s jaw was still slack, his brow slightly furrowed. Cas saw the conflict on his face and took a deep breath. “I mean this as a date,” Cas added. “Just to clarify.”

Sam had returned to his work, staring very intently at his monitor. He made a big show of putting his earbuds back into his ears and hitting the space bar to unpause his music. 

Dean had finally closed his mouth; a corner of his lips started twitching upward. He didn’t tear his eyes away from Cas’s gaze when he knocked on Sam’s desk to get his attention. “We’ll bring you something back.”

“You know he can’t hear you, right?” Cas said. He felt the heat in his ears as Dean joined him at the door.

Dean was outright grinning at him. “You really think he’d pass up the chance to eavesdrop?” They were shoulder to shoulder as they started walking to the door.

Cas looked over his shoulder. Sure enough, he could see Sam craning his neck to watch them walk away. He froze as soon as he made eye contact with Cas. Cas laughed as he looked forward. “You’re right. I should have known.”

Dean was staring at Cas’s profile so much it was a miracle he made it to the front door without running into a table. Once there, he opened the door for Cas, and stared openly at Cas’s face like he was afraid Cas would vanish if he looked away.

They approached his car, and Dean opened the passenger door for Cas too. Cas didn’t enter right away. They stood with the car door open between them, Dean’s expression so openly hopeful it made Cas’s chest hurt. “This doesn’t change what I said before,” he said, because he had to.

Dean’s grin fell a little bit. “About?”

Cas dipped his head to his chest. “I’m not sure I’ll want to sleep with you. Ever.”

When Cas looked up again, Dean’s expression was unimpressed. “Is this just a repeat of the conversation we had two weeks ago? Because going on a date with me would be kind of counterintuitive.”

“No,” Cas said quickly. “I just - I want to make sure you know.”

Dean leaned his forearms along the top of the car door, bringing his face within 12 inches to Cas’s. “Look,” Dean murmured, holding Cas’s gaze. “This is how I see it: you still don’t want to sleep with me, and I’m still okay with that. The only thing that’s changed is now you actually want to go on a second date with me, and I’m not gonna pass that up.” 

“Dating doesn’t usually go well for me,” Cas confessed. “But I should have listened to you when you said you were willing to try.”

Dean examined Cas’s face for a few seconds. “I don’t blame you for being skeptical.” Then he grinned, full of cheek. “You didn’t know I’d be special.” 

Cas was so relieved, so happy, he could only smile.

“Now will you get in the damn car?” Dean begged, as he stepped away. “I’m hungry.”

Cas settled in the familiar passenger seat, and Dean closed the door. When Dean climbed into the driver’s seat, he found Cas watching him.

“You okay?” he asked, adjusting the rearview mirror.

Cas couldn’t quite say it, so he just continued to look intently at Dean.

Dean looked at him, his brow furrowing when Cas didn’t say anything. He leaned in, almost as an experiment. When Cas leaned in too, just a little bit, Dean’s eyebrows flew up. “Oh.”

Cas tilted his head. “Oh?”

Dean licked his lips.

Cas waited.

Eventually, Dean laughed a little - a short _heh_ of surprise - before pressing warm lips against Cas’s. The kiss was short, just a test, but they both drew away flushed and smiling.

Then Dean’s stomach gurgled, making them both laugh.

“Lunch,” Cas said, and he was amazed he could even muster up that word with how full his heart was.

“Lunch,” Dean confirmed. He started the car, and sent Cas smiles at every stop for the rest of the drive.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you're all doing well. I know everything's crazy right now, so I hope this provided a little bit of an escape for you. Thanks as always for all of your support.
> 
> If you missed the moment where the art was linked, you can view it [here!](https://www.pixiv.net/en/artworks/84873510) Thanks again, Blu!


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